The Muslims Wedding Tradition including asking for the father’s blessing during the wedding ceremony, symbolizing that afterwards the woman has become the husband’s responsibility. It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and earnestly before the female. The tenderness of her body thus finds its compensation in comparison with the strength of man. Plan how you wish to propose. Is it the nature of man to be polygynous? Allah mentions most of the categories of women involved in this question in the following verses, (which means): "And do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. Other animals also behave like this. He will give you his blessing 100 percent for sure. The function entrusted to the female is to display her attractions, to invite attention with due self-control and restraint, and thus capture the heart of the rougher sex and accept the male by the tender consent of his heart, and thus render him willingly to carry out her commands. It also gives you -- and the bride's father -- the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation about love, family and future plans. How to Ask for Her Hand in Marriage If you live close by, the easiest thing to do is to call and ask if you can stop by for a moment as you have something to ask them. - Why It Matters. Islamic teachings: Muslims believe that character and piety are very important when choosing a partner. (Sahih al Bukhari) ♣ What should the amount of the dowry (Mahr) be? My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. Unrecognized Email or Password, please try again. In the modern days, fathers usually gives their blessing when a man is proposing for her daughter especially when the two have been dating for a while. However, there are two points here which cannot be waived aside. My Boyfriend and I Have Fully Opposite Religious Views. A validation e-mail has been sent to your e-mail address. And you are indeed a nice guy, seeing how brave you are to talk to her father about marriage. The second point that must be mentioned in collection with this chapter is that Mr. Mahdavi, the writer of the forty proposals1 writes: According to Article 1037, if either of the persons engaged in marriage turns down the marriage undertaking without any Sound reason, the gifts that the opposite side, their parents or any third person, have presented in anticipation of the consummation of the marriage, should be returned. A man should not ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand. Whereas, as a rule, if one party turns down the marriage agreement ‘on reasonable grounds’ also, they should, on, being asked by the other side, at least return the original articles presented as gifts by the other side. Various results following from the phenomenon of the excess in the number of women: Disadvantages and shortcomings in Polygyny. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. If a person dreams that he is marrying his mother, sister or any such person with whom marriage is forbidden is Islam-and such a dream is seen in any of the sacred months of Thil-Qa’dah, Thil-Hijjah, Muiharram or Rajab-it means he will proceed to Makkah and Madeenah. A woman cannot get married unless her father gives her permission, since he is the one who’s going to get them married. As an adult, you feel like you have the responsibility in your life and start to neglect the parents’ role in life. Speaking with your soon-to-be fiancé(e)’s parents and asking for your partner’s hand in marriage is a tradition that can be both relevant and a defining moment in your relationship. 1. Modern youth, the time of puberty, and the onset of textual activity: Monasticism for a fixed period, sexual communism, or fixed-term marriage: Fixed-Term marriage and the problem of the harem. While for a woman, who aspires to be the object of affection, the beloved, the adored one, to submit to the heart of a man who will govern her existence, it is repugnant for her to invite a man to be her spouse, and, if it happens that her request is turned down, to go in search of another man. Secondly, a thing desired does not become your property, nor do you become its owner: students and scholars are desirous of knowledge, a pupil desires a teacher, apprentices of crafts desire skillful craftsman. © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2021. In social laws, expressions like this create a very bad and distasteful psychological effect: the above mini definitions in the laws of marriage especially have an effect upon the relations between men and women, and give man the position of master and owner and woman the status of something owned or of a slave. Hadiths: The Marriage Process in Islam by Shaad Ahmed. His aim is that the proposal should not be on the initiative of one side only, so that the phrase “taking a woman in marriage”, and always consider it the duty of a man to ask the hand of a woman in marriage, we will be lowering the status of women and treating her as a purchasable article. As you would take her from somebody else, you must “ask” him nicely, sort of. Is the provision of fixed-term marriage a license for promiscuity? Personally, I would not be bound in a marriage that I do not feel happy in and live life like that. As you notice, there is no condition in the Article to the effect that either of the parties should without reasonable grounds have broken up the intended marriage. IMPORTANT : All content hosted on Al-Islam.org is solely for non-commercial purposes and with the permission of original copyright holders. Incident - Asking to marry a Stout and Black Women Dream Explanation — For her black colour suggest that she is well to do. After such subtle psychological observations, the said proposer puts forward the draft of an article to do with asking the hand of a woman in marriage. Firstly, the question is mistakenly directed against the Civil Law. It has always been an age-old tradition to ask for your significant other’s father for her hand in marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihe wasallam) stated, ” A … In his, book he put in an extensive chapter wherein he wrote, ‘How on earth is it possible for something to take place without any reason or motivation?’ But eventually it was disclosed to him that for years he had been misreading that Article of the Law and erroneously taking it to mean what it did not and he then admitted that the real reading was “without reasonable grounds”. He is her protector since day one and have been doing everything for her to keep her happy. If the original things do not exist, that side will be entitled to the value of the gifts which can normally be preserved, excepting the gifts that have perished through no fault of the other side”. So we do not consider ourselves obliged to defend the Civil Law, and we shall not enter into a discussion of the individual ideas of the proposer. It’s clear from the Koran that Islam holds a generally positive view of marriage, but the relevant law has always allowed for the possibility of divorce. You don’t need to ask should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. You really need to be her father’s best friend. Start out expressing your feelings for his daughter. “According to the provisions of the above-mentioned article, neither does engagement in the view of our legislature carries, like a marriage vow, any legal obligation, nor does it guarantee performance of the marriage, or bind the parties to any sort of commitment. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective. Because when you ask him to marry his daughter, it’s more like notification to him. Marriage is based on love and happiness. (Quran 4:4) In Islam, this marriage ritual is … Now it can be seen how far the best of her distinctions, her honor and respect is blemished in the name of women’s rights. I wanted to know whether meeting her in a resturaunt alone is allowed or not if i remain in the boundaries of islam. Is this derogatory to the position of women, or is it an expression or admiration and recognition of the greatest honor and of their value in hearts that are alive and sensitive? Even though it sounds traditional, a father’s blessing is not something someone can ignore. Polygyny is a source of protection for monogamy: The crises arising from the frustration of unmarried women. This Article of Law has provided for all those eventualities that Mr. Mahdavi thought the law did not anticipate. From the minute you’re praying to get married, considering someone seriously, living with someone and going through life together… And until you meet Allah together, pleased by Him for how He helped you, and well pleasing to Him. Talking to Your Girlfriend’s Parents Plan what you're going to say. Since a dad’s permission means a lot for a woman, you must have find the answer should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage. Those proposals for the Civil Law start in the subject of proposal and engagement. On the other hand, if Allah facilitates the process, then that is a sign for you to pursue it. It is in this Article that the condition of ‘without reasonable grounds’ is stipulated. For example, if Allah puts difficulty upon difficulty in any attempts to get to know this young man for marriage, then please take heed and let this go. Long before you meet him, there are one person who has an absolute ownership of herself: her dad. It is a man’s instinct to make the approach and ask, and a woman’s, instinct to be a source of attraction and act with self-restraint: Man seeks union with woman, not to enslave her: The custom of asking the hand of woman in marriage is a very safe and wise way of safeguarding the honour and prestige of a woman: Errors by the writer of the forty articles in the Civil Law:], Contemporary life and fixed-term marriage. I have seen only photos of the girl and have only been told about her personality. Assalamu alaikum brother and sisters My mother recently decided to ask a girl’s hand in marriage for me. Whether you think of it as a trend, a tradition, or just a nod to the days of antiquity when women needed their father's … (9 Awesome Hints), 11 Signs That He Is Going To Leave His Wife For You, How To Know When Your Aries Man Misses You (9 Obvious Ways), Reasons Your Boyfriend Should Be Your Biggest Fan. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend's Dad for Her Hand in Marriage? It’s why he wants to see you. Marriage is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. August 15, 2002 There are traditions regarding asking the father of one’s beloved for her hand in marriage; however, these are almost ancient history at this point. Books on Islam, Muslims, Prophet Muhammad(s), Ahlul Bayt. In other wards, the specific text and command from Islam itself about most of them is not cited. Even when it sounds old fashioned and nobody really do it anymore right now, it has many valuable meaning behind. I hope you find what you're looking for. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. Prohibition by the Caliph of fixed-term marriage: Part Three: Woman and Her Social Independence. You can learn some things from him about marriage and find anything new about your girlfriend. There are many steps to get through before two people get married and each of them makes her heart flutter. It is at the root of the proposal for the annulment of dower (mahr) and maintenance of the wife (nafaqah), so we shall fully discuss it with the subject of mahr and nafaqah in its proper place. Asking her father to marry her means you also consider him as an important person in your girlfriend’s life and how you respect him for that. What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to … When planning for marriage, one has to ask himself who he should marry. If marriage is one of Allah’s signs, then it is something that should lead you to Him, every step of the way. Assalamu alaikum. Asking your girlfriend’s dad for her hand to marry is more like a prior notification rather than asking for permission. I think that if you dont feel happy and satisfied in the marriage you have the right to ask for Talaq. If the Muslim man would ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage from the father of the girl, it is very likely that he will not be given a chance to marry. It is the height of her excellence that she can attract man to her wherever he is, and whatever state he is in. Can one really considerate an insult to the female sex when Hafiz our sweet-tongued poet, composed these lines: Shiraz is the home of ruby lips and the mine of beauty; I am a penniless jeweler, and it makes me anxious.It is a town full of beckoning glances and beauty in all directions; But I have nothing, otherwise I avoid be the buyer of all. You should not ignore him just because she lives on her own right now or because you feel like she loves you more than anything. ^^^^^ Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. He is a man too, right? It serves as a powerful opportunity of emotionally relating on a deeply personal level with the people who are about to become a new and important part of your family circle. This is what we meant when we remarked that ‘these people, designing to improve her eyebrows have actually deprived the poor woman of her eyesight.’. For the proposer has perpetrated some great mistakes, and is even unable to perceive the correct meaning of some simple articles. Enter valid first name and last name with at least one space. As you see Mr. Mahdavi’s objection to this article of the law is that “engagement” is not considered to carry legal obligation and be a guarantee of performance. In that case he will ask one woman after another until he meets a woman who gives him her consent. I would add that another objection can also be made against this Article, and that is that the Article mentions that if ‘without any reasonable cause’ either of the parties breaks up the marriage agreement, the defaulting side should return the original articles it received as gifts from the other side or their cost. Indeed, the Prophet stated: 'the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.' Go to him and build a strong relationship: it’s going to benefit you a lot. One of them is this. If you regularly visit this site and wish to show your appreciation, or if you wish to see further development of Al-Islam.org, please donate online. They'll probably suspect, but that's okay as it will give them time to be prepared and know what to say. 1 Mahr. Nature has created man a means of approach, love and solicitation and woman a source of attraction and being loved. Selecting a Spouse: The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. This Article, because the stress is on the word “deceived”, and this is suggestive of the basic intention of the Article, is commonly known as the rule of “deception.”. And her height suggest that she will not live long”. Laws made by man, or, in other words, the legal precautions he employs, should safeguard this advantage for women and this obligation on man. Not that it’s traditional and old fashioned, you have to see several reasons why asking the dad’s permission matters. Laws based on the equality of man and woman as far as the duty and civility of proposing are concerned act against the woman and respect for her and her honor; equality is outwardly in the interest of man, and works, in fact, against both of them. Welcome! Our legislator did not loose sight of the reactionary and inhuman attitude in these few simple selections of the law (relating to proposal and engagement) whereby man as such as the principal figure and woman the secondary. Every dad surely feel a little bit hard to let go of his daughter for another man. One is the natural advantage that has been given to woman and the other is the natural obligation which man is bound to fulfill. From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal and has requested conjugality from her. The attachment of the Iranian nation to religion. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam. Whether some marriages are a cancer which the wife must suffer and put up with: The cause of the disappearance of polyandry: The form of polygyny in western countries: The child-bearing period of woman is limited: Causes of the excess of the number of women fit to be married over the number of men: Polygyny is prohibited while homosexuality is lawful! Asking and answering such questions about him is not a bad thing and people should not hesitate to tell the truth when it concerns a possible marriage; the intent is … This is the best guarantee of her prestige and respect and the counteraction to her physical weakness as against the physical strength of man. Islam permits the dissolution of marriage for a number of … Asking your sweetheart's father for her hand in marriage is an act that means different things to different people. One can propose marriage to any woman who is free of impediments to marriage’. As you read in my case, I followed the tradition of proposing myself … The addition of the condition ‘without any reasonable grounds’, is an irrelevant presumption of Mr. Mahdavi’s. The Prophet accepts the marriage of multiple wives but only if the husband's duties will not falter as a result The right to “privacy” of all confidential matters. This is not the case with human being only. The Holy Prophet gave az- Zahra, his daughter full freedom in choosing a husband: The Islamic movement in favour of women was entirely independence: A man is a slave of his passions and a woman is a captive of her lovingness: The secret of the dynamism and flexibility of Islamic law. The Al-Islam.org site and the DILP are entirely supported by individual donors and well wishers. Article No 1037 of the Civil Law states: —, “In case of the intended marriage being broken up, the gifts which either side had given or the parents of the persons engaged had presented in anticipation of marriage may be demanded back by each side. Man is desirous of union with woman, not in need of making her his slave. Dad is Every Daughter First Love. She always has many lovable Ways to Tell Your Dad You Love Him. However, in most cases, the tradition has become more modern by not only asking for her father’s blessing but also her mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or step-parents. Many people no longer asking a dad’s permission when they’re going to marry his daughter. It shows her parents that you love their daughter enough to go through the possible discomfort of asking for her hand. It is evident that although the Article does not contain any order nor assign any obligation, marriage has nevertheless been brought up for consideration as the ‘taking of a wife’ by man. A dad usually sees the Signs of Good Husband Material to Marry better than his own daughter. Its only effect is that the party violating the undertaking who, as expressed by the writer of the above law, ‘without any sound reason’ turns down the marriage settlement, should return the original or the cost of the gifts that they received from the other side. Before you pop the question to the love of your life, consider asking her father for her hand in marriage. Asalaamu alaikum! A father would never turn down a proposal if you are a nice guy. To respect her father, who has been her protector the whole time ever since she was born, you don’t have to hesitate whether should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. But if you feel that you should not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses.That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice." Is the Declaration of Human Rights an insult to woman? I'm Michelle Devani and would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my site. I am not a firm believer in these things but over years many people who know reading hands pointed out that I do not have a marriage line on my hand and I won't get married by choice. [duplicate] Ask Question Asked 2 years, 4 months ago. (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255). He is the first man she knew and the first one she fell in love with. How Can I Compromise? For a woman, marriage is a big step in life. You have to be thankful for her dad in some ways, since a woman tend to look up at his father’s a lot and wanting to marry someone like him. Woman as a part of the share of inheritance: Woman’s inheritance in the Sassanid period in Iran: The share of women in inheritance according to Islam: An objection by the worshippers of the west: The objection of atheists at the beginning of Islam about inheritance: The environment in divorce-infected America. Is it a question of symmetry or one of imperfection and perfection? We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. He wants you to promise him that you will do everything within your power to guarantee his happiness, just like how he did all along. In islam why does men have upper hand in a marriage? The fact is that the articles relating to proposal and engagement laid down in the Civil Law are not straight Islamic Laws. These are the reasons that the draft of the Article put forward by the writer of the forty proposals to make woman share in the duty of proposing does not have any value and is injurious for the whole human race. Attention to essence and meaning as opposed to shape and form: A permanent law for a permanent requirement and a variable law for a varying requirement: It does not matter what you wear, as long as you do not imitate slavishly: The question of “ahamm wa muhimm” (that which is more important and that which is significant), Part Five: The Human Status of Woman in the Quran, The particular philosophy of Islam concerning family rights, The status of woman in the world-view of Islam. I would like to ask what does Islam has to say about authenticity of hand lines especially related to marriage? Whatever the Civil Law has cited in support of these Articles is all based upon precepts that are deduced from general Islamic beliefs. Man is instinctively disposed to seek and ask, and woman is instinctively disposed to display herself. © iStockphoto.com /efenzi. One of them is when she asks her father’s permission to get married. The west is involved in a basic contradiction about man: The west has forgotten both itself and its God: Part Six: The Natural Basis of Family Rights, The connection between natural rights and the direction in which nature moves, Part Seven: The Differences Between Woman and Man. Islam Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for Muslims, experts in Islam, and those interested in learning more about Islam. ... Browse other questions tagged quran hadith nikah women sex or ask your own question. Any other use of the hosted content, such as for financial gain, requires express approval from the copyright owners. I begin my discussion about the proposed forty articles from the very point they themselves begin. Now the fact is that usually at the time of the engagement the two parties do not give each other things for the purposes of the marriage, but undergo considerably heavy outlay for the engagement itself. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. Should we be independent or follow the west? This is one of the wise schemes and plans of creation. The only result of engagement that has been acknowledged is that the party violating the engagement should return the gifts or their value to the party that presented them, whereas the main expenses which the individual must sustain in an engagement are other expenses, for example the expenses of the engagement celebrations, inviting guests and things connected with this. Some tradition needs to be kept alive. Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth. How to Ask Her Father for Her Hand in Marriage. Mahr (dowry) is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to his bride, which becomes her exclusive property and right. This is the best security in the maintenance of balance and proportion in their life together. Love after marriage in Islam is … Besides that, in the Civil Law incitement is acknowledged to be a binding liability of the person who incites an act, and Article No.332, which concerns incitement, can be implemented to secure the defaulting parties in such cases. It is strange how a person who is incapable or comprehending the meaning of a few simple articles of the Civil Law (in spite of the fact that for years his occupation had been the study of these Articles, and that, as a specialist in the knowledge of these laws, he had been a burden on the budget of the country), can cherish the wish to change the revealed law which involves thousands of considerations and fine points. Divorce among Muslims is a much-discussed and argued topic. Evaluate her family dynamic and make sure to ask the right person for their blessing. According to this Article, the defaulting party is responsible not only for the expenses of the other party but also for the expenses of the parents and others. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If a man comes for your daughter’s hand in marriage, and you see nothing wrong with his character and religion, marry your daughter to him.” The Declaration of Human Rights is philosophy and not law: Philosophy cannot be proved by questionnaires, A glance at the history of women’s rights in Europe, The dignity and the rights of human beings, Important points in the preamble to the Declaration of Human Rights, The decline and fall of the human being in western philosophy. It has also not been mentioned that up to five years ago, when Mr. Mahdavi was busy with the compilation of the book Payman-e-muqaddas ya Mithaq-e izdivaj (The Sacrament or the Pact of Marriage), he had been reading the above sentence “without reasonable ground” as “without any reason or motivation”. 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